Looking For

from Dedications by Grace Ludmila

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lyrics

I look for you everywhere that you might be
Search within cracks that lie in the concrete
But I know where you hide
It’s inside your mind
Where you decided I couldn’t stay
I wanted to know you so badly I thought I
Couldn’t live knowing someday I might not
But I’ve packed up my things
And though they may be heavy
I’m not scared of the weight

I thought
I thought we melded completely
Now I know I’m not like you and for that I feel lucky
I gave, I gave
I gave you everything
I didn’t get to choose
What we had is precious to lose
And my instincts may be cruel
But they protect me

I thought we were driving along in the same car
Turns out you were planning our crash from afar
I may not come out unscathed
But I can look in the mirror
Is that something you’ve tried?

I trusted, I trusted
You wouldn’t hurt me
But I could never do what you did
And for that I feel relieved
I gave
I gave
I gave you all of me
So you don’t get to choose
I’m something precious to lose
And my heart may be broken
But I’ll protect me

I worry for you
But I’ve got to care for me right now
I can’t attempt to save what was willing to shut me out
And I hope that one day
You are able to face the pain
You inflict on yourself inside that big brain
I, I love you fully
But I’ll try to love me for now
Me for now
It’s just me right now

I’ll stop looking for you in places I know you’ll be

credits

from Dedications, released December 14, 2018

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Grace Ludmila New York, New York

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